campus || vampire weekend
how am I supposed to pretend
I never want to see you again?
sarah iangalager’s gigantic remus/sirius fic rec starter list
because there is a LOT of remus/sirius fic out there and some of it was probably written before some of you were born and it comes with all these acronyms and Dramatic Capital Letters and lots of people getting…
feel very sick today, but I can’t call in bc I can’t afford the points. blah
ok I’m done having a pity party here on my tumblr blog. you just have to deal with it. you just have to deal with it.
I don’t know if there’s anyone ive felt comfortable discussing my feelings with since quinton left me for discussing my feelings with him too much. I feel like maybe I will never talk to anyone ever about anything and I will post only on my blog and then someday I will die and that is how I will deal with feeling depressed forever because someone once told me my mental illness made them stop loving me
I just feel like I can’t share any of this with anyone on a personal level bc I will be burdening them with my issues and that’s unfair and that’s what makes people leave you. and I hate that I feel that way and I hate the people who have made me feel that way but that’s how I feel anyway.
sometimes I feel so, so lost and I try my best not to fall into a place where that’s going to make me hate myself but that’s been my default for many many years and it’s difficult to overcome
I have this idea about being “better” than I was when I was in therapy or hospitalized or in my last relationship and I am obsessed with being “better” than that ie not a wreck falling apart all the time. I know that’s stupid and mental illness is a day by day journey and some days are good and some days are bad yadda yadda. but I know when I’m making mistakes or doing things that are going to hurt myself in the end and when that happens I just feel like such an idiot. and like I’m going to spend months in a dark place that I don’t want to be in. and it makes me just hate and hate and hate myself so much. I just wish I could stay happy and not mess things up for myself and not have a bad day and think “I should give up and go home or just kill myself”. I’m always so ashamed when I feel like that, even though it’s just for a second. I feel like I’m so ridiculous and I’m supposed to be past this and it’s so difficult and expensive to get help when you are legitimately suicidal and i become so afraid for myself and my future and the battle I think I’ll always be fighting against myself. I just imagine all of the people from my past thinking that I’m horrible and stupid and I haven’t grown at all even though I think I have. I know feeling like this isn’t a question of maturity, and it’s a legitimate mental illness, but I always just feel so fucking stupid and childish. idk
me n pooh bear
hating myself/my life a lot lately and its really bumming me out (obviously)
just wanna lock myself up in a room and sleep forever or maybe not sleep at all idk